My New Car

Finally, my quest for new (used) car is over. I have been trying to find a car that is reliable enough to get my back and forth as needed when I am not on my cooter scooter. Alas the search has ended.

So far I am in love with it. It has many miles but I am confident it will last me a long time. I need to do a couple minor cosmetic things to it, like clean it! And get a better stereo in it, but for the most part it has been taken care of pretty well from what I can tell. Best thing of all is I own it and no more car payments for me!

So the road is getting clearer and I can see the fog is starting to lift. It is only a matter of time.

Crotch Rocket

Again, here I am posting after a long absence.

Things are still a bit hectic. I am holding it all together as well as I can. Financial crap just makes everything worse. I dont have a car at the moment, so I am driving my little Honda Metro Scooter, which I call my cooter scooter, to both my jobs. Most the time it is ok except when it is cold and windy, then I freeze my ass off. But for the most part it has been allot of fun to drive. 100 miles to the gallon is worth freezing.

My workouts are starting this week, it is just hard to figure them into my days which are 15- to 18 hour workdays, just trying to fit it all in, but I will.

I hope you are all doing well, and I will blog more soon!

Stranger

I know I have not written in a long time. Things have been crazy.

The divorce was final on November 1oth. I am now officially Molly MacGregor.

While dickhead and I agreed that we would work through our finacial matters together, and not get the courts involved, as soon as the divorce was final he stopped doing that. So things have been very stressful for me in that area. I am upeat, I have a very positive attitude about all of this and I know that all will work out. I have a second job that I have been working evenings and weekends which I have been doing for a while. Since I work the second job about 35-40 hours a week I have not had much time to work out, so that has stopped for now. I doubt very much that I will be doing the Austin marathon, but you are all in my thoughts.

I will get back into the groove once things get a bit better with me and my time and my finances.

I will blog from time to time, and I always check in to see what everyone is up to.

Again, you are all in my thoughts.

The Old Way

I would like to start posting my blog again, kind of, the way I used to. So here is my first try at it:

Goals & Accomplishments~

I have been doing more of a basketball workout at the gym, versus my regular treadmill one. Although that is still a workout, and I seem to be using muscles I don't normally use, I need to get back into the regular routing. So now that Jim has joined my gym, we are going to start working out together. What I like about that is that he is very familiar with the machines and I am not. So that will be very helpful for me. We are also going to start playing tennis on the rooftop tennis courts, I am looking forward to that since I used to love tennis and have not played in some time. I will keep you posted on how that goes.

Update on the D-Vorce~

Things are running along smoothly. "R" has been doing ok, seems to leave me alone most of the time. Rarely calls me. Every once in a while he will have a "meltdown" but those are happening less often now. I feel that deep down he really still thinks that we will get back together at some time. For some strange reason he has stopped seeing his counselor, I continue to see mine, less and less though as she really feels that I am doing very well. She has been very helpful to me. He continues to try to play the kids against me, he may have been somewhat successful with our son, since I don't see Nick as often, but someday that will straighten itself out. He isn't as successful with our daughter. Probably since she and Andrew live with me, Jess is pretty aware of what is going on, and even though he tells her certain things, sometimes she tells me and we discuss. I feel that my life is getting better and better. I am only responsible for me, and I am taking all the right steps and becoming happier every day.

Poem of the day~

You were always there
A gentle voice in the breeze
A small tug at my heart
Over the years I never knew
The many places I have been
I never found you
Not quite within my reach
I was never really looking
But maybe I wasn't meant to
Not until now
You are my soul
My heart, feels complete
Full my life is now
It doesn't matter where you were
What matters is where you are

Til next time

Slowing Down

Isnt if funny how many of us have slowed down in the blogging department. Why is that I wonder. And my theory about Dan's blog is that he will never blog again. Would I win any money for that?

I hope that our marathon can still take place in New Orleans. I was glad to see on the news the other day, that the French Quarter and the Garden district have faired pretty well under the circumstances. One of the things that I have always loved about New Orleans is the beautiful architecture, and the wonderful secret gardens that are hidden within the buildings, it would have been such a shame to lose that.

While my workout routine had somewhat slowed down a bit, it is making a comeback. The guy that I have been seeing is really into allot of the sports activities that I enjoy, and he has joined my gym. So not only are we going to be utilizing the machines, he also loves tennis and basketball and we are going to start doing that at the gym as well.

I am very happy, my divorce in in process, the soon to be ex seems to be getting better, and I am really looking forward to becoming Molly MacGregor again!!

Happy-but neglecting my blog

Hello fellow bloggers.

I know, I am so bad, but at least I do blog from time to time, unlike someone else we all know and love.

I am very happy with my new life. As you probably know I have met someone and we have allot of fun together. It is fun but very scary at the same time. We have allot in common which feels very weird to me. Everything we do together we have a blast, there is allot of humor in our relationship and I find that we are constantly laughing about one thing or another. So this new life that I am forming is starting to blossom a bit more.

I have been very busy with my social life, as you can see, but I also got a part time job in the evenings which I have been trying to do for some time, and finally got one. I am working at Coldwater Creek, which is one of my very favorite places to shop, and the 40% discount doesnt hurt either. So right now I am trying to balance the gym with job #1 and job#2.

I promise I will get better at blogging.

Still on Track

I hadnt really realized how long it had been since I blogged, until Adolph yelled at me via e-mail. Yes it is possible to get yelled at in an e-mail. You all know.

So I dont want to be like Dan, and not blog. So I wanted to send an update on what has been going on.

I am still on track on my working out, I am still not pushing it as hard as I should. My life has been very consuming. All is ok on the divorce front. Ron has been very pleasant. So that part is going very well. He has even moved into his own apartment and seems to have given up on thinking he will move in with me. Apparently he is heavy into his therapy, and according to him has been seeing another specialist to deal with his recent threats to me.

So I promise to not leave my blog hanging as I have recently, and be better about posting. I will be be more detailed on what my working out entails later.

thank you friends for your patience.

Crazy Soon to be Ex

Ok, so I know I have been MIB (missing in Blog) but here I am with an update.

The divorce has been filed, papers served and all was well... until last night. I have some death threats, yes, death threats that he left on my voice mail, both work and cell, yes I have saved them. He also called my daughter and told her that he wishes I would die, and that he would like to strangle me. Last week, after he "dropped" his keys conveniently by my left rear tire and took a few extra seconds "finding" them, I had a blowout going 65 miles an hour on highway 36, of course that I cannot prove but I am very suspicious. After he left me multiple I am sorry voice mail messages this morning, he has not called. This is a prime example of his behavior and one of the many reasons why I have left. Sounds like restraining order time.

But other than that, my workout is still going strong, but not as strong as I would like it. I am stepping it up this week though.

don't I lead a fun and adventurous life??

The journey continues…

As the two friends continued on their quest, others joined them. Some blogged, some did not. The members of the rag-tag tribe were held together by those who did blog, and particularly by the two friends who had begun the journey together. They became the spiritual leaders of the quest.

One of the two leaders was sidelined. It doesn’t matter why, it doesn’t matter when, it only matters that it happened. The tribe felt this loss profoundly.

Like Arthur, left by Merlyn; like Peter, abandoned by Jesus; nay, like Mick Jagger when Keith Richards is on a bender, no one felt Dan’s absence more than the tribe’s other leader, and the tribe itself could sense the shifting of a great burden. It adjusted its collective feet and waited, with baited breath.

When will Dan blog again?

It would not do to consider that he might never return. This hideous thought, although occasionally whispered, was never uttered aloud. To do so would be sacrilegious.

The tribe sought him out. Individually, they reached out to him, isolated, on a mountain where he had retreated with one favored tribe member for solace. He answered them only in riddles, in metaphors that meant nothing to them, and all turned away, blinking back tears, or defiantly letting them course down their cheeks.

His return will heal the tribe’s gaping wound and stem the flow of uncertainty.

Much time has passed.

Still, the question is unanswered.

When will Dan blog again?

Thor, may he rest in peace

I am being told that some people are just not getting my posting today, trust me, the article that you pull up is about the sneaky character I have named Thor.



We had a new neighbor recently that met with an untimely death. Thor, he was tall dark, some may have considered him handsome. He spent the days walking along the paths of the complex, kept to himslelf most of the time. Apparently there had been some complaints against him recently. Maybe it was because he was a loner, maybe some didn't like him because he was different. I think he just lost his way, like many of us have done. I never had the opportunity to meet Thor, I wish I had.

His death was featured in the news, here is the link, copy and past in your browser. Thor, may you rest in peace.

http://www.9news.com/acm_news.aspx?OSGNAME=KUSA&IKOBJECTID=1b3e4892-0abe-421a-0115-b2b6349fcb02&TEMPLATEID=0c76dce6-ac1f-02d8-0047-c589c01ca7bf

Dreaming

When I would dream, I was happy
my friends were near, my life was good
Troubles were not around me
And the words, they weren't cruel
But something would always change
I would awake, and the happiness,
No longer there
And now when I dream, I am happy
my friends are always near, life is good
There are no troubles around me
The cruel words, they don't exist
But something is changing
I am no longer dreaming

Neighborhood Meet and Greet

Last night, right before midnight, my building decided to have an official neighborhood meet and greet. There we all were, clad in our PJ's, our dogs and any worldly possessions we could drag with us. Standing in the misting cool air, on the sidewalk. Of course if was a fire alarm, but my daughter said it was the building meet and greet, which I thought was pretty clever. Andrew got to see a big firetruck, and Jess and I got to see firemen. All I know is that one of the apartments that is not yet occupied must have had a sprinkler system going off in there most of the night, there was water pouring out of the door. That must have somehow set off the alarm. One of our neighbors had to climb the fence of the athletic club down the street and rescue her dog from the outdoor pool. I guess the noise scared him and he took off and decided to go for a swim. At least he had some fun.

Gettin in the groove baby

I'm back baby.

I was at the gym bright and early this morning. Feels good to start my day working out. I love this gym, I don't have to bring anything other than a change of clothes, they provide everything.

I didn't overdo it, I just walked about 2 miles on the treadmill, since I have been slacking I want to work back into it slowly and not push myself.

I had a nice quiet weekend. Jess and Andrew were gone to the mountains on a camping/fishing trip so I was all by myself. I cleaned the apartment and watched a bunch of movies. Ahh the life of a single woman, I love it. Forgot to mention that so far I have lost a total of 53 lbs!! I need to lose about another 20 and I will be much happier.

Here is to being back in the game!!

Hike

Last night I went for a beautiful hike in Boulder Canyon. A gentleman friend I have met (yikes) and I went. We hiked to a point where you could see all of Denver, Boulder and beyond. Was beautiful. I have always loved doing this sort of thing but never have, it was fun. We then had a wonderful healthy picnic dinner in the park. A very nice evening I must say.

This weekend I will be on my own, no daughter or grandson. I am planning on spending allot of time at the gym, and at the pool.

Therapy

I had someone recently say to me that they thought I was drifting away from my quest. I have not.

I had my first therapy appointment this week. Since I have had many years of "things" that I need to deal with and get off my chest so to speak, I made this commitment to meet with someone for a while on a weekly basis. It is amazing to me how much the one appointment helped me. I am really looking forward to cleansing my soul and getting this out in the open with my therapist. That night I was even able to have a conversation with my husband and convey to him, once more, that it is over with, and that I need to go on with my life, without him, and that I no longer am in love with him. I told him he needed to go on with his life and get himself straightened out. So far, it seems to have gone well.

So, back to my quest. I have started to work out again, (thank you Jana) I shall continue to go to the gym, I need to get back into my daily workout schedule as I was not so long ago. I miss monsieur treadmill, and I am confident that he misses me too. Nothing like having a man to step all over.

And so see my friend, I have not drifted.

Still in a slump

I am still in my slump. I know it will be over soon. We got the house all taken care of, where we lived prior to my move to my apartment. That has been a big stress that has been hanging over me for some time. There was still this connection that I had with Ron, that was going to stay until we got the house situation settled. I felt like once that was over with there was chapter in my life that would finally be closed. Now I need to deal with other issues. He wont let go and keeps thinking that I am just going through some sort of phase. I know he expects me to tell him to "come home". I wont do that, I have made up my mind and need to go on with my life. And because of the type of person that I am, or have been my whole life, I don't know how to say it to him. I do have a counselor that I will be meeting with tomorrow and I am hoping that I will get the guidance that I need. I do feel like I get stronger and stronger all of the time, but I just want all of this to be over with, so I can go on with my new life.

Poem of the day~

Who am I? I don't think I ever have known
The part of me that died, has now for ever flown
So as I start this venture of self discovery
I will continue on this path to find out who is me

Slump

I have fallen into the slump again. I have not worked out in about a week. I have every intention of doing it, but as Adolph pointed out in his posting this morning, unlike him, I have been able to make those excuses why I cant go in the morning. I shall return.

Poems of the day~

Funny you should feel
That I may not be true
Is it because of guilt
That is coming just from you
Do you come with me to work
Just so you can see
If I have a secret lover
Just waiting there for me
Do you call me all the time
And interrupt my flow
Hoping that your catch me
Out and on the go
Funny your intent
You may feel is the way
Is causing me to wonder
Maybe I should stray

But now I'm on my own
rebuilding my new life
no longer will I worry
of unhappiness or strife
And as the time goes on
The scars away they'll fade
And proud I will become
of the new life that I've made

Signs

The decisions that I have made recently were very difficult, and took a long time to make. There have been some very interesting things that have happened to me along the way. I call them signs. Signs telling me that I have made the right choices. Some of these are very small, and if I had not been in tune with what was going on around me, I would have missed them. Some of them so obvious that they gave me chills. I have to see all of these signs as something positive, as they appear to be.

I was speaking with a good friend this morning who years ago was in a very similar situation as mine. She said that there were walls all around her, that when she made the desion to leave, these walls all seemed to tumble down and she was able to find her way to happiness, as I seem to be doing.

Poems of the Day~

Many of these poems that I am going to be posting, have been written pre my decision to leave. It is interesting for me to read them now, knowing what I was going through at the time, and knowing how my mind was telling me that there was no way out. I would like to post the pre poems, and I will write another verse, or another poem following it, with a newer outlook.

Living in a Cage~

My life resides within this cage
Though beautiful it may seem

Sometimes I look outside these bars
And close my eyes and dream

Is there a life outside of this
Do I wish to be free?

How can I be so selfish
And think only of me

So in this cage I do live
Forever, it may seem

Sometimes I look outside these bars
And close my eyes and dream

But these bars I have just broken
And venture out I must

The freedom that I've chosen
Is right, I now can trust

The road that I now travel
I know, it may be long

But the new life that I have chosen
I know, cannot be wrong.

Til Tomorrow, fellow Bloggers!

Poem

I just found out some awful news about a friend. This person's daughter is in the hospital and might not make it, she had a terrible accident over the weekend. I got to thinking about the complaining that I have done recently about my personal crap, and thought about how lucky I truly am. I just needed to post again to help me with some of the feelings that I am experiencing right now. So forgive me for posting again, but I needed to post a poem:


Complain, I really shouldn't
About the problems I may have
I really should be grateful
And be thankful I’m alive
One tends to take for granted
The lives that we all lead
And don’t think of those around us
That maybe they do grieve

meo~7/11/05

Changes

As I was reading Amy's posting over the weekend, I realized how many of us in the "tribe" are going through changes in our lives. Some of us have moved to different homes, and some of us are also going through personal changes. Interesting.

Lyrics~

Still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wildA million dead-end streets
andEvery time I thought I’d got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face meBut I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesDon’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesJust gonna have to be a different man
Time may change meBut I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But stil the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesDon’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesWhere’s your shame

You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesOh, look out you rock ’n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes

Pretty soon now you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change meBut I can’t trace time
I said that time may change meBut I can’t trace time~David Bowie