Thor, may he rest in peace

I am being told that some people are just not getting my posting today, trust me, the article that you pull up is about the sneaky character I have named Thor.



We had a new neighbor recently that met with an untimely death. Thor, he was tall dark, some may have considered him handsome. He spent the days walking along the paths of the complex, kept to himslelf most of the time. Apparently there had been some complaints against him recently. Maybe it was because he was a loner, maybe some didn't like him because he was different. I think he just lost his way, like many of us have done. I never had the opportunity to meet Thor, I wish I had.

His death was featured in the news, here is the link, copy and past in your browser. Thor, may you rest in peace.

http://www.9news.com/acm_news.aspx?OSGNAME=KUSA&IKOBJECTID=1b3e4892-0abe-421a-0115-b2b6349fcb02&TEMPLATEID=0c76dce6-ac1f-02d8-0047-c589c01ca7bf

Dreaming

When I would dream, I was happy
my friends were near, my life was good
Troubles were not around me
And the words, they weren't cruel
But something would always change
I would awake, and the happiness,
No longer there
And now when I dream, I am happy
my friends are always near, life is good
There are no troubles around me
The cruel words, they don't exist
But something is changing
I am no longer dreaming

Neighborhood Meet and Greet

Last night, right before midnight, my building decided to have an official neighborhood meet and greet. There we all were, clad in our PJ's, our dogs and any worldly possessions we could drag with us. Standing in the misting cool air, on the sidewalk. Of course if was a fire alarm, but my daughter said it was the building meet and greet, which I thought was pretty clever. Andrew got to see a big firetruck, and Jess and I got to see firemen. All I know is that one of the apartments that is not yet occupied must have had a sprinkler system going off in there most of the night, there was water pouring out of the door. That must have somehow set off the alarm. One of our neighbors had to climb the fence of the athletic club down the street and rescue her dog from the outdoor pool. I guess the noise scared him and he took off and decided to go for a swim. At least he had some fun.

Gettin in the groove baby

I'm back baby.

I was at the gym bright and early this morning. Feels good to start my day working out. I love this gym, I don't have to bring anything other than a change of clothes, they provide everything.

I didn't overdo it, I just walked about 2 miles on the treadmill, since I have been slacking I want to work back into it slowly and not push myself.

I had a nice quiet weekend. Jess and Andrew were gone to the mountains on a camping/fishing trip so I was all by myself. I cleaned the apartment and watched a bunch of movies. Ahh the life of a single woman, I love it. Forgot to mention that so far I have lost a total of 53 lbs!! I need to lose about another 20 and I will be much happier.

Here is to being back in the game!!

Hike

Last night I went for a beautiful hike in Boulder Canyon. A gentleman friend I have met (yikes) and I went. We hiked to a point where you could see all of Denver, Boulder and beyond. Was beautiful. I have always loved doing this sort of thing but never have, it was fun. We then had a wonderful healthy picnic dinner in the park. A very nice evening I must say.

This weekend I will be on my own, no daughter or grandson. I am planning on spending allot of time at the gym, and at the pool.

Therapy

I had someone recently say to me that they thought I was drifting away from my quest. I have not.

I had my first therapy appointment this week. Since I have had many years of "things" that I need to deal with and get off my chest so to speak, I made this commitment to meet with someone for a while on a weekly basis. It is amazing to me how much the one appointment helped me. I am really looking forward to cleansing my soul and getting this out in the open with my therapist. That night I was even able to have a conversation with my husband and convey to him, once more, that it is over with, and that I need to go on with my life, without him, and that I no longer am in love with him. I told him he needed to go on with his life and get himself straightened out. So far, it seems to have gone well.

So, back to my quest. I have started to work out again, (thank you Jana) I shall continue to go to the gym, I need to get back into my daily workout schedule as I was not so long ago. I miss monsieur treadmill, and I am confident that he misses me too. Nothing like having a man to step all over.

And so see my friend, I have not drifted.

Still in a slump

I am still in my slump. I know it will be over soon. We got the house all taken care of, where we lived prior to my move to my apartment. That has been a big stress that has been hanging over me for some time. There was still this connection that I had with Ron, that was going to stay until we got the house situation settled. I felt like once that was over with there was chapter in my life that would finally be closed. Now I need to deal with other issues. He wont let go and keeps thinking that I am just going through some sort of phase. I know he expects me to tell him to "come home". I wont do that, I have made up my mind and need to go on with my life. And because of the type of person that I am, or have been my whole life, I don't know how to say it to him. I do have a counselor that I will be meeting with tomorrow and I am hoping that I will get the guidance that I need. I do feel like I get stronger and stronger all of the time, but I just want all of this to be over with, so I can go on with my new life.

Poem of the day~

Who am I? I don't think I ever have known
The part of me that died, has now for ever flown
So as I start this venture of self discovery
I will continue on this path to find out who is me

Slump

I have fallen into the slump again. I have not worked out in about a week. I have every intention of doing it, but as Adolph pointed out in his posting this morning, unlike him, I have been able to make those excuses why I cant go in the morning. I shall return.

Poems of the day~

Funny you should feel
That I may not be true
Is it because of guilt
That is coming just from you
Do you come with me to work
Just so you can see
If I have a secret lover
Just waiting there for me
Do you call me all the time
And interrupt my flow
Hoping that your catch me
Out and on the go
Funny your intent
You may feel is the way
Is causing me to wonder
Maybe I should stray

But now I'm on my own
rebuilding my new life
no longer will I worry
of unhappiness or strife
And as the time goes on
The scars away they'll fade
And proud I will become
of the new life that I've made

Signs

The decisions that I have made recently were very difficult, and took a long time to make. There have been some very interesting things that have happened to me along the way. I call them signs. Signs telling me that I have made the right choices. Some of these are very small, and if I had not been in tune with what was going on around me, I would have missed them. Some of them so obvious that they gave me chills. I have to see all of these signs as something positive, as they appear to be.

I was speaking with a good friend this morning who years ago was in a very similar situation as mine. She said that there were walls all around her, that when she made the desion to leave, these walls all seemed to tumble down and she was able to find her way to happiness, as I seem to be doing.

Poems of the Day~

Many of these poems that I am going to be posting, have been written pre my decision to leave. It is interesting for me to read them now, knowing what I was going through at the time, and knowing how my mind was telling me that there was no way out. I would like to post the pre poems, and I will write another verse, or another poem following it, with a newer outlook.

Living in a Cage~

My life resides within this cage
Though beautiful it may seem

Sometimes I look outside these bars
And close my eyes and dream

Is there a life outside of this
Do I wish to be free?

How can I be so selfish
And think only of me

So in this cage I do live
Forever, it may seem

Sometimes I look outside these bars
And close my eyes and dream

But these bars I have just broken
And venture out I must

The freedom that I've chosen
Is right, I now can trust

The road that I now travel
I know, it may be long

But the new life that I have chosen
I know, cannot be wrong.

Til Tomorrow, fellow Bloggers!

Poem

I just found out some awful news about a friend. This person's daughter is in the hospital and might not make it, she had a terrible accident over the weekend. I got to thinking about the complaining that I have done recently about my personal crap, and thought about how lucky I truly am. I just needed to post again to help me with some of the feelings that I am experiencing right now. So forgive me for posting again, but I needed to post a poem:


Complain, I really shouldn't
About the problems I may have
I really should be grateful
And be thankful I’m alive
One tends to take for granted
The lives that we all lead
And don’t think of those around us
That maybe they do grieve

meo~7/11/05

Changes

As I was reading Amy's posting over the weekend, I realized how many of us in the "tribe" are going through changes in our lives. Some of us have moved to different homes, and some of us are also going through personal changes. Interesting.

Lyrics~

Still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wildA million dead-end streets
andEvery time I thought I’d got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face meBut I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesDon’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesJust gonna have to be a different man
Time may change meBut I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But stil the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesDon’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesWhere’s your shame

You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changesOh, look out you rock ’n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes

Pretty soon now you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change meBut I can’t trace time
I said that time may change meBut I can’t trace time~David Bowie

Poem of the Day

I am creating this life that's new
It feels so free, life without you
It took so long to break this chain
No longer bound I've much to gain
Though letting go is hard for you
The idle threats, the words arent new
Ive heard and felt them most my life
While living with you as your wife
But as Ive said Im stronger now
I can face the challenges, this I vow
So on I shall go to begin anew
My life shall be free without you

meo 7/6/05

Well into it, Again

Since my daughter and I have joined the new athletic club, a hop skip and a jump from our new digs, we have been really utilizing it.

I have been there about 5 times in the past week that we have joined, so I am not doing that badly either. One incentive for us too, is that if we come in at least 8 times in the first 30 days we get a $50 gift card each, that includes Andrew too! So that is pretty exciting. What shall I use mine for, decisions decisions, maybe something at the Spa.

I personally like getting there really early in the morning and getting ready for work afterwards. Since they provide everything you can possibly think of, from shampoo & conditioner, to body soap, towels and everything else I could possibly need to get ready. Plus getting a workout in that early in the morning kind of gets my day going and I feel pretty energized.

Andrew loves it there too, which is an added bonus. He calls it is "other day care".

We met the athletic director there recently for a "meet and greet". Just so that we could ask any questions, and so she could tell us some of the highlights of the club. One of the things that we learned too is that they offer every possible class you can think of, and if they don't have it, you can ask and they will do their best to accommodate you. Jess is really interested in the kickboxing classes, those sound interesting to me too. I will also stick to my water aerobics and yoga. There are some other classes I may try too. For now, it is exciting and fun again to be back in the groove so to speak.

I look forward to stepping up my workout and getting ready for that big Mardi Gras event that is in our futures. I also may walk in the Donor Dash in Denver on the 16th, if anyone would care to join me!

I did it again

Damn, why do I drink so much? And Jana, where were you when I needed a ride home.